TLIF - As it should and needs to be

If you were one of the two or three people looking for my blog last night, apparently it disappeared off the grid for a few hours. If I wasn't all tekky and stuff I think it might have driven me insane to figure out why because basically, the URL just stopped working. That tells me something is wrong with the system. But thank you to Dawn for letting me know so I could fix it ^_^

It's been a long week full of highs and lows. Like a big-ol roller coaster. But I'm using the experiences. I'm reminding myself that conflict in life is fodder for stories and I'm going to need it as I move into my next project. I feel like I've lost a friend (which had better just be a temporary thing - he'd better not be gone), reconnected with another, and had a series of dreams and ideals rise and fall like a boat rocked in the storm. But it was all worth it (except for the missing friend thing. Still highly aggravated about the series of events surrounding that).

BUT a special note to everyone who entered ABNA - regardless of how far you've made it/make it. Y'all are awesome. You wrote killer pitches and have kick-ass stories to back them up. I saw some familiar names on both round 2 lists. I'll be watching the announcements through each of the next rounds and keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Give yourself and your neighbor a pat on the back and make sure you celebrate if you haven't yet. ^_^ You worked for this, you earned a congratulations and so much more. And to my friend halfway around the world - I'd love an excuse to fly to New York for my birthday in June...so you'd better make it ^_^

How are you treating yourself right this weekend?

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Learning from the past and rolling with the punches

Still a little foggy in the head - this is the song that's keeping me company:

But I won't let Scott back out to talk today. He's become infinately more snarky since shiny reared itself. So instead of moping, or going all goofy, or a little depressing (which I really didn't mean to do yesterday, so I'm sorry if it came off that way), I'm going to think.

Weird, right?

Wicked Writers has been running a series of posts this week about critique groups. They've all been insightful reads. At least I think so. Go check them out (after you're done here). It was all insightful enough that it got me to thinking.

No, that's not smoke you smell. Promise. Not mine anyway. Despite what the neighbors say.

Wait. What?

Ahem. About seven or eight years ago I got an idea. It was an amalgamation of a bunch of different ideas I'd tried to write before and failed. But this time it stuck. I sat and wrote for days and days and a month or two later I had a novel-length piece of fiction on my laptop. And I loved it and adored it and had no idea what to do with it.

I suspected I should get feedback, but couldn't find any good way to do that. When I was younger my mother had belonged to a local writer's group. But I'm not social like that. When I was younger my mother had submitted manuscripts to publishers. I could do that. Except I knew the story wasn't ready. I wasn't at the point yet where I knew why, but it wasn't. And keep in mind that seven years ago, there wasn't nearly the trove of online information about publishing that there is today.

So poor little story (called Ascension way back then. Called God's Girl Friday now), sat on my 3 1/4 (yes, floppy disks weren't that many years ago), and languished, lonely and sad. And then one day about three years ago I found this amazing haven. A place I'd never seen before and loved instantly. Writing.com. People there posted their work and got feedback. Real, honest to goodness feedback. O.o Why hadn't I discovered this wonder earlier?

So I joined, I became an active member of the community, got some really nice comments on absolutely everything I pulled off my hard drive (stuff I would cringe to share today), and decided I was on the fast track to being a best selling author. Except no one would read my novel. Because it was long. (None of my novels are actually long. The most words I've ever had at once in a manuscript is about 70k. But it's hard to get feedback on anything longer than 2k in an online community)

Then I found a novel critique group. It was exactly what I needed. They would read my stuff, I would read theirs, it would be a nice give and take relationship. And I read some of their stuff and some was amazing and some was so-so, but I was nice about all of it. And then I got the first reviews on my novel. "This is boring." "This story doesn't even start until five pages in." "Lose the backstory." "Why should I care?"

Don't misunderstand, it wasn't all rude. They were all encouraging people. But it wasn't the shining glory I had expected. I recoiled. I screamed at the wall. I said they were stupid and didn't know what they were talking about and didn't know how to read and were just jealous. And I was wrong.

I don't do the whole group critique thing any more. The biggest problem I found with it? The whole lemmings thing mentioned on Wicked Writers. A story's flaw becomes infinitely more pronounced when one person notices it and everyone jumps on the bandwagon. It makes it hard to see what's really a problem and what most people wouldn't have noticed if someone hadn't pointed it out.

I belong to a group that chats, but you're talking three people who I know will be honest with me regardless of what the other members say. But the thing is, I wouldn't undo the experience. I learned so very much from every critique group I've belonged to. Like how to figure out what works for me. How to take critcism. How to be objective about my own work and other people's. How to shrug off rejection.

Which isn't completley true. I get a rejection letter and I still mope for a little while. But the mood rarely lasts long and then I move on. Oh, and I've met some amazing people and two of them are my critique partners outside a group setting. And they really are awesome.

It's all about growth and change. Back then I thought I was inches away from brilliance. I've learned a lot since then and realize that even now I've got miles to go. Funny how a little knowledge can change a lot of perspective.

What's something that's helped you grow as a writer, even if you don't still do it?

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What do you want?

Everyone has needs: things they require in order to survive. Food, water, shelter from the elements, stuff like that. As in, if you don't have it, you die sooner rather than later.

Everyone has wishes: pretty shinies in our head that would make our lives millions of times better, 'if only...'. The stuff you would ask a genie for if you ever found a magic lamp.

Everyone has goals: whether you say them outloud, write them down, or keep them tucked in the back of your head, there are things you've set out to accomplish that will make you beam once you do. From folding the laundry before the day is over to going to the gym three times a week to finishing your next story draft.

There's a fourth element that goes in this list. It frequently gets confused and/or interchanged with the above three terms, but to me it's a completely different beast. You don't die without it, and you probably wouldn't ask a genie for it, and it's not something you can guarantee you'll obtain just by following a set of instructions.

But you still want it.

Sometimes you want it so much that you feel like throwing a tantrum because you don't have it.

Want is a powerful motivator. And I think all too often, we push aside our wants in favor of practicality, or not being selfish. But sometimes it's all right to own up to them. In fact, I think we should keep lists of them. Print out your list, stick it near wherever you write, and look at it when you're trying to remember why you're doing this.

The great thing about wants is they don't have to be practical, or something you can guarantee you'll achieve, but they can still motivate you. The list doesn't have to be long. 5-10 things that meet the 'want' description and push you to do what you do. For me, it's:

I want to...

• Walk into a bookstore and see the cover of my book grinning back at me from the front display
• Be invited to speak on a panel at a sci-fi/fantasy/anime convention because the people attending know my work
• Be in the airport and see someone engrossed in my book.
• Get a large enough advance to pay off a bill. Just one. The car would be a nice start.
• See people psyched on Twitter/Blogger/Facebook because my book is finally coming out

These are all things I may or may not achieve if I ever have a novel published, but they're all things I won't ever achieve if I don't keep writing.

What do you want?

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