Uriel's Fall

Coming July 2014: The eternal struggle between heaven and hell has gone corporate. Read More
Thursday, May 3, 2012
If you'd like to know more about The Writer's Voice hosted by Cupid Literary Connection and a host of fantastic people, click the links ^_^ I'd try and summarize, but I know I'd leave out an important detail and their blog post clears it right up.

Query

If immortality has taught Conner anything, it’s that getting attached sucks. When he runs into Ronnie – the woman he loved and watched die three thousand years ago – in an L.A. coffee house, he remembers how much it hurts to give a damn.

It devours Conner's soul to find out Ronnie doesn’t know him from a nymph, or anything else about her past, including the fact she assassinated a powerful deity. He's determined to help her figure out why she’s back before he loses her again, but the gods aren’t so patient for her to regain her memory. They believe securing her loyalty means she won’t destroy them, and they won’t hesitate to obliterate anyone who stands in the way of recruiting Ronnie.

Sheltering her from all of Elysium gnaws at Conner’s decision to care as the cut-throat headhunting leaves a trail of casualties in its wake. When Conner realizes how far the conspiracy reaches that made Ronnie’s improbable return possible, he’ll have to choose between sanity, love, and the lives of the people around him, knowing the consequences will haunt him for eternity.

APATHY’S HERO is a 100,000 word contemporary fantasy that will appeal to fans of Neil Gaiman, Margaret Atwood, and Richelle Mead.

First 250 Words

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Flowery smoke filled Conner’s lungs. The mantra repeated in his head, set to the rhythm of his measured breathing. He’d liked it twenty-five-hundred years ago when Socrates first said it and was still one of the truest things he knew.

A pleasant array of red, gold, and orange silk draped the bamboo walls of the Tibetan monastery, adding to his calm. His meditation was mirrored by the three-dozen or so monks in the shrine room. A pond of dark heads surrounded him, black fuzz decorating every scalp.

He ran his fingers through his own white hair. It had been almost three months since he’d shaved his head, and he kept putting it off. That probably meant it was time to think about going home.

A deafening crack echoed through the shrine and everyone jerked toward the noise. Conner’s eyes grew wide as soldiers flooded through the now shattered doors. His fingers twitched and he considered summoning his bow from the ether. He needed to do something. Buddha certainly wasn’t going to. No god would these days. Followers were renewable resources when they were martyred.

SKS semi-automatics swept the room, barrels pointing at everyone and frantic Chinese filling the space left by the obliterated peace. Conner had picked up a lot of languages over the centuries, but the Mongolian the monks spoke was different enough from the rapid-fire Mandarin of the soldiers that he had a hard time keeping up.

29 comments:

Congrats on making it onto the linky list, Loralie! I've never seen one fill up that fast.

Congrats on getting in! I got up at 1am to enter, but it was full already! Will try again in the next window.

Fellow contestant checking in - hi!

Nice entry! Some great description in there. Good luck in the contest!

Love that first line in your query! Good luck to you!

Congrats on making the list -- and good luck with your entry!

Best of luck, from TWV #30!

Oh, this looks GOOOOOOD! Good luck!!

Those are some awesome comparisons in your query! Best of luck in the contest :)

Thanks stopping by :)
Love anything similar to Margaret Atwood.
Best of luck to you.

Jess said...

I really love your excerpt! Best of luck in the contest :)

Amalia T. said...

Great tension in the opening! Good luck!

Huntress said...

Woo HOO! You got in!!! Hi Five, Girl. Best of Luck

Jamie Grey said...

This sounds SO cool and the opening is fantastic! Humor and suspense, Love it!

Good luck with the contest!

Good luck from one contestant to another!

Stopping by to wish you luck in the contest. Love Neil Gaiman....and Margaret Atwood! I also love that this is told from Conner's POV. Great concept!

Adam Oster said...

Seeing the idea of a battle between gods and soldiers gets me excited already. Top that off with your plot summary, and I'm sold.

Once again, good luck!

Very nice. :) Good luck, Loralie!

C. Issy said...

You had me at Richele Mead :) Can I say that I already think that Conner is hot?

Best of luck with this!

tfwalsh said...

Best of luck... Good opening:)

Lexa Cain said...

Woohoo! Rockin' query and first 500. Good luck with the contest. :-D

Great story! Love your sample! Good luck! Brandi #199

Looks good! Good luck to you :)

Just stopping by to wish you luck!!

Entry #31

Interesting! Good luck!

TYHatch said...

Intense opening 250.

Good luck!

Tina (#194)

Best of luck!
Carolyn, #157

C.G.Ayling said...

So how do you assassinate a deity? Could it be through enlightenment? Interesting premise, nice voice – Good luck!

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