TLIF - Over-correcting & Research

Ever play a driving game (or, you know, drive in real life, though I can tell you from personal experience this is a lot scarier in real life), and in order to avoid sliding in one direction, you turn the steering wheel and instead the car turns way too far in the opposite direction? (On the ice it's the worst. Doing a 365 in the middle of I-80 at the top of one of it's tallest peaks during a blizzard is not the best way to start a commute).

The first 250 words of my novel are up this week on Miss Snark's First Victim, along with 49 other first pages. I'm not linking directly to mine, just the blog, because if you're a regular visitor here, or even if you just know what my blog is called, you'll know which one is mine.

As an aside, I know several others from my blog list are up there too, because I recognized first pages. And the one I saw that made me squee was from Huntress, who has an awesome blog and also helps critique over at Unicorn Bell. So best of luck to Huntress and everyone else ^_^

This is not my first time participating, though it is the first time for this novel. I've gotten better over the last year or two at accepting the feedback. This time though, I'm almost giggling (insanely) and kicking myself over it.

If you're one of my CP's, you've probably read my work and said "This scene could use a little more description". Like, in 90% of my scenes. If you haven't said that...no they all have, never mind. It's because description is a weakness for me.

I knew that when I was polishing this section of work. Those meager 250 words. So I made sure to put some extra description in. I was determined that no one was going to critique my first page and say "I don't really get a sense of place. I'd like to know more about where we are." That wasn't going to happen to me. No way.

And...it didn't. Instead, I got a lot of: You probably didn't need to spend so much time describing your setting...

Well then :-P I know how to fix that. So those 250 words (225 really) are now about 144, and I was more than happy to cut out that extra description. I'm going to need to learn not to over-correct in my writing.

I'd like to say that's my lesson learned for the day, but I know I'll make the same mistake again.

And on a completely unrelated topic, I have a question for all of you. Okay, it's not completely unrelated. It's actually to help me tweak something else in my first scene.

Place yourself in this situation: A busy city street lined with shops and trees. Traffic is heavy, both car and foot traffic. The sun is hot, the humidity is high, and everyone is in a hurry to be anywhere but there.

And then a gunshot echoes down the street. You didn't see it coming, you don't know where it came from, you're not even sure it's a gunshot because you may or may not be familiar with such a thing and it seems so out of place in the afternoon.

How do you react?

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My Current Publishing Musings

Confession of the day: I come from a long line of self-publishers. No, really. My great grandmother self-published a book. My father self-published at least one. This was back in the days before things like, oh, the internet (remember those days?).

Both books had small print runs. Maybe 250 copies at the very most. Because this was back before print-on-demand or e-pubbing (cuz, you know, before the internet). One of them was even written on a typewriter instead of a computer. Yup, those were the days (that I don't miss, because I <3 my computer(s) and word processor).

In case you missed my last two posts, this week I've been thinking a lot about what drives me to write and how that relates to my publishing options. I don't think I knew that's what I was doing at the time, but sometimes my subconscious figures things out before I do.

The responses to yesterday's post were really eye opening. I almost posted this in the responses there, but then it grew out of control into it's own blog post. What I would have posted in yesterday's responses though:

I don't think there's any one right way or one better way to publish a book. Like with absolutely everything in life, I feel like the answer is unique for every individual. Sure, there are common factors, but I don't think self-publishing is better, or traditional publishing is better. They both have their pluses and minuses.

I also believe that "I'm going traditional/indie/something else because it's right for me" is enough of a reason. If that's the way you feel, you shouldn't have to defend your decision. On the other side of that coin, it doesn't mean everyone else has to feel the same way. Every person has to pick the path that makes sense to them for the reasons that are important to them.

If you know me, you know what my reasons are for pursuing a more traditional path. I'd list them here, but they've already filled countless (or at least five) other blog posts.

However, the self-publishing side of things fascinates me. I've never completely dismissed it because I see the possibilities. I would love to be able to pick a single project and dive in to the experience. It would be for so many reasons. Seeing my work in print isn't one of them. I have several short stories in print, and I'm perfectly capable of going to Create Space and making a POD version of any one of my novels.

But the experience:

• Assembling 'the novel package' (cover, edited story, back copy)
• Securing distribution channels, not just online, but local bookstores
• Promotion, marketing, getting the word out

It intrigues me. It also sounds like an ass-ton of work.

And there's that #1 reason I write - to be heard. If I can't reach anyone with my efforts.

And someone might say 'but you're not reaching anyone now, with your manuscript sitting on your computer'.

That's true. I won't argue it. But I know that's why it's not being read. I don't have to wonder. But I have to cross that hurdle either way - whether someone chooses to publish me or I decide to do it myself.

So, besides fear of not being heard, and the knowledge that it would take so much more effort than I want to expend in order to get my name out there, what stops me from self-publishing?

I don't think my work is ready. In a way, I do allow the opinions of literary agents and publishers to dictate that. But it certainly goes beyond that. On a personal level, I don't have any work that I feel is worth putting in print in its current incarnation.

Before you wonder if that's just insecurity talking, keep in mind that I have some stories I think are fantastic ideas. I love my plots and characters. Just not their current execution (not as in death, as in...yeah, you get it). And yes, I think other people would love them too if they just gave them a chance.

So to answer my own question from yesterday, would I self-publish? Yes. It's something I would consider and may do someday.

Am I at that point now? No.

1. My work isn't ready.
2. I'm not a control freak, and I'm happy to surrender some of that control to someone else if they're going to back me up with the aspects I'm not so good at. I don't expect to be able to just write and nothing else, but I don't want to go it alone.
3. I want someone else to tell me they think my story is ready for public consumption. It may end up just being my CP's, we'll see, but I don't have enough ego to force my work on the world if they don't want to hear it.

Which brings me to my ultimate, bazillion word question of the day: How do you know your work is ready?

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Self-Publishing: would you, have you, could you?

This will be a really short post, because I'm more interested in everyone else's thoughts on this. The question is - what would prompt you to self-publish?

Except it's not quite that simple because some of you already have. In that case, what prompted it? Or would you only do it in some circumstances - like for short stories or novellas? Or would you only ever consider traditional publishing? Or some other variation I'm sure I haven't listed.

These are the things that occupy my writer's brain today, because it's certainly not occupied with my own accomplishment ;-)

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Screaming in a Vacuum

(if you're not in the mood for serious or rambling, you might want to avoid the below and I'll be back with less serious, but not less rambling, when this funk passes).

I wanted to link to this video, but apparently I'm not allowed to embed this specific one, so go watch it instead. I'll wait until you get back.
http://youtu.be/gH476CxJxfg

There's something about me I don't talk about very much. Not online, in real life, anywhere. I don't like to bring it up because a lot of people suffer from depression and I don't have anything new to say about it.

Another reason I like to keep it under wraps is because of the things that will consistently trigger a downward spiral is not being heard. That means I try and avoid situations like:
Me: Life sucks. I suck. What's the point?
Someone else: I'm sorry, what? Want to see my new phone?

Something that doesn't depress me. Ever. Not to-date anyway. Writing. If I can lose myself in a story, I mean actually lose myself, then the world becomes a brighter place. Even if it's a sad story.

For a long time I tried to separate writing and depression. I swore that one didn't have anything to do with the other. Except they're more intertwined than I wanted to admit. The most obvious reason is they both define me.

There are so many things I've done in my life and then just walked away from. They bored me after a while. Except bored isn't really the right word. I believe with any skill/job/talent/task, there's at least one apex that has to be crossed in order for someone to be truly spectacular. Someone has to recognize that apex and want to cross it and have the knowledge to do so.

I used to work for a screen-printing company. I made sure the images were ready to go to press. If you've ever worked in the industry, I created the film the screens were made from (stupid technical jargon). I sucked at that job because I never had the desire to cross that apex and learn how to make sure the artwork was clean before going to press. I used to work in technical phone support. I...tech supported. I wasn't bad at the job, but I loathed it because I never had the desire to learn how to deal with irate people on the phone.

I'm a database developer now. I've tried several times in the last twelve years to change careers, but I always end up back here. I will probably always do work like this for as long as I have a day job. I can always see the next apex, and cresting it is painful sometimes, but I always manage. Something about the work compels me to continue to learn and grow.

In my professional career, the people I've worked with remember me for that. This skill set defines a part of me. And it means when people want answers, they listen to me.

I used to want to be a photographer. I'm brilliant with the technical aspect of a camera. I know how to set shutter speed, aperture, adjust for lighting, all that. I suck at framing a shot. My mind doesn't realize that what my eye sees is not what the camera sees. I used to want to draw comics. I got frustrated and gave up before I made it past basic 'how to draw' books. That wasn't something I had the patience to pursue.

I've always wanted to write. And each time I hit an apex it's the most painful thing I swear I've ever experienced. Each time I realize I've progressed another step in the craft, but that I'm still not there yet. Except I keep pushing.

I like it when people say "that's Lori. She's a master of our data." I love it when people say "that's Lori. She's a writer. Someday I'll tell people I knew her back when."

Writing is a part of me. For whatever reason, it's the artistic medium that speaks to me and allows me to speak through it.

Except...I'm not just writing to sate the demons (not to purge them, never to purge them. The demons drive me). I know, purists say if you're writing for anyone but yourself, you're doing it wrong. But I think that's too simple a statement.

I don't write automation scripts because I like watching information copy from one place to another all on its own. I don't talk to hear the sound of my own voice. Otherwise, I'd just think it.

I don't write just because I like my own stories. Otherwise I'd spend all day daydreaming and none of it would ever make it on paper. I want to share. I want to know that someone else sees something satisfactory in my words. I want someone to read my stories and say "Yeah, I get it. Wow."

I think up stories because I like new stories. I write because I want to be heard.

If no one wants to hear what I have to say, there's no reason for it to ever leave my head either verbally or on paper.

Did you watch the video?

I haven't reached the billboard part of things yet. And right now I can't stop asking myself "is anyone listening?"

On days (weeks, months...don't tell but I've been in this current hole since November and working on my last two projects was what kept me afloat) like today I wonder, is it worth it?

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