Query Question for the World

I'm stuck in a place in both of my stories where I can't get the words on paper, even though I have an idea what they need to be. So I'm distracting myself by tooling around with the query for the second one.

And I've stumbled on another issue. The story is contemporary romance. And in theory, a query is a lot like the back cover copy of a book. From scanning through lists of back cover copy on romance novels, they frequently have one paragraph of info about the heroine, and one about the hero, giving the reader a hint as to how their stories intertwine.

And this book is dual POV. It even opens from his perspective.

So when I query, do I query from both POV's, or just stick to her part of the story and how it relates to him? Or, since it opens from his perspective, do I need to query from his POV?

Or am I over thinking it?

Or have I once again written myself into a corner by giving them each subplots and not just focusing on how the story impacts her?

I got feedback on one version of the query that says including both stories confuses things and makes it hard to tell who the main character is. I understand that perspective. Except I have two main characters. I mean, technically in the end, it's her story. She's 60%, he's 40%.

I have written myself into a corner, haven't it?

I'm walking away now, so I don't delete something I'll regret later :-P

Update: Thank you to everyone who sent me your thoughts :-D I think it helps to be able to talk an issue through and get feedback, and as a result, I'm getting closer to a finished product:

After a no-strings attached fling teaches Riley she’s a one-man woman, she decides the only guy she wants is the one who can make a commitment. Since she was splitting the rent with said fling, the revelation also leaves her looking for a new roommate. Intelligent, sexy Zane seems like the perfect answer to both. Sparks fly in the close living quarters from the moment they move in together, until she realizes he’s only interested in a one-night stand. Riley tells herself it’s no big deal; they still have a great friendship.

Besides, from the way her co-worker, Brent, is hitting on her, he must be interested in something long-term. But a bad first date drives her to seek refuge in several stiff drinks. When she wakes up naked in his bed, she can’t remember saying yes to anything before she passed out. Now she’s second-guessing everything she believes about relationships and happily ever after. On top of that, because she’s higher on the corporate food-chain, Brent’s blackmailing her into silence and submission with the company’s ‘no dating subordinates’ policy.

She turns to Zane for support as she weighs her mental well-being against her career. But they can’t ignore the growing attraction that blurs the line between friends and lovers, and it leaves them at odds. With friendship, sanity, and her financial future on the line, Riley will have to decide where her priorities lie, or lose all three.

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Do What's Best For *Your* Story

I've hit a point in my writing that I didn't expect to encounter. Not because it's a bad thing, or because it's such a good thing I never dared hope, but because it's something I thought I'd already run into, dealt with, and moved past.

Ever hear the advice that, when considering feedback or critique, you ultimately need to do what's best for your story to make it yours? That you can't please all readers, and that you can't implement every suggestion?

Until a week ago, I thought I knew what that meant. It seems simple enough. If someone says "I think you should use 'that' here" and you don't want to because it ruins your voice, then you don't use 'that' (like literally the word 'that' not a generic reference to a piece of feedback).

Also, this speaks to the wisdom of having more than one person read your work before revising. But that's a different post.

So, what it really means, as I discovered, is people can read your book and have entirely different visions of what you meant.

Weird, right? Who knew?

I mean, besides everyone.

Or to be more specific. I got notes back from two different readers. Both of them said "This ending doesn't work. At all. Why does it exist?" So that tells me, as much as I like my ending, it might be a problem.

But, only one of them said (paraphrasing here, but she'll know not by much if she reads this post today ;-) 'I hate this character and I want them to die.'

To be fair, the other also saw flaws in said character, but felt like they were fixable.

And it's possible I rigged the votes a little bit, by saying something like "you'd never hate anyone I wrote, right?" And don't misunderstand, I absolutely loved this feedback. Normally that kind of news would make me fly off the handle and freak out and curl up in the corner and whimper. I don't know if it was in the delivery, or because I've matured as a writer - hopefully a little of both - but this didn't hit me that way.

But suddenly I knew the true meaning of 'you have to do what's best for your story.' And it had very little to do with the word 'that'.

I had to break it down. Why was this character unlikable? Was it fixable? Was she critical to the story? Would correcting some of her less desirable traits destroy her role in the story? Did I want to keep her? Did I want to relegate her to the background? Did I want to leave her to die in Gehenna?

I know what I need to do now, btw. I haven't figured out the details, but having to look at the story from different (not conflicting, just different) perspectives has shown me that. I just have to take the time to do it.

Have you ever received conflicting advice about changes your story needs? Like broad, sweeping, impact the entire plot changes? How did you decide what to do?

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Book Review: The Siren, Tiffany Reisz

I've been fortunate. In a two week span, I found two incredibly fantastically amazing books. I already told y'all about LITTLE BROTHER.

THE SIREN is an entirely different type of wow factor. Enough so that I've had to let the story sit and roll around in my head for a few weeks after finishing, so I could write an articulate review. Or, something mimicking articulate. I've been trying to figure out what made this book so fantastic to me.

The basic premise, Zach is a book editor who's very good at his job. His newest task is Nora - an author new to the company but not to publishing. And he balks because she's a guttersnipe who writes trash (she writes erotica). Given that, this book isn't for everyone. It pushes the boundaries of sexy in so many ways. Just a basic dialogue between the two main characters can get the blood pumping.

I almost didn't pick this book up, because I was worried the sex would be more important than actual story (nothing personal to Ms. Reisz - I'm a picky reader in general. I've only finished about 10% of the ebooks I've picked up recently). I'm glad I got past that notion, because I couldn't have been more wrong. The characters are fantastic, the story telling is compelling, and the entire thing thing is just gripping.

There are several plot points that are laid out for the reader before they happen. I thought that would ruin things, because within a few chapters, it's revealed how the story is going to end. It didn't matter, I couldn't help but hold on for the entire ride. I ached with all of the characters, and cried, and rejoiced, and cried out ;-) There was one point at the end, when Nora opens the Tiffany's box (you'll see when you get there), that I actually sobbed out loud when I realized what was inside.

If you don't mind a sizzling, sexy scene, but like substance in your reading, it's here. This is an amazing story-within-a-story. It's not a romance novel, as Nora will explain in the book. But it is a brilliant love story. It's the best book I've read this year, and I won't hesitate to pick up anything else Ms. Reisz writes in the future (or the past).

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